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Writer's pictureAshok K Pandey

Practice Nonviolent Communication


Nurturing a culture of nonviolent communication (NVC) right from the early stages of one’s life is imperative. A communicative process developed by Marshall Rosenberg, NVC focuses on three aspects: self-empathy, empathy and self-expression. Self-empathy includes a deep and compassionate awareness of one’s own inner experience. Empathy involves listening to another with deep compassion. Self-expression is the action part of the preceding two stages of NVC. You express yourself in a way that is not only pleasant and nonhurtful but also inspires compassion.


NVC is essentially one of the seven core principles of everyday living propounded by M K Gandhi. According to the Gita, nonviolence is love, ability to be humane and to cultivate inner peace. If at all one needs to use force, it has to be for protection and not for punishment and subjugation. A person with inner peace is not easily affected by conflicting emotions. The process of self-empathy and empathy go hand in hand. It is an exercise of deep listening. It is like constructing a bridge connecting the two sides of a river. Once this connection is established, genuine thoughts and solutions emerge for the toughest of problems. The roots of NVC lie in the equality of human beings and our desire to find responses to universal human needs. The purport of the Bhagwad Gita,“He, who, through the sameness of the Self sees equality everywhere, be it pain or pleasure,” is regarded as the highest. Conflicts arise out of our differing perceptions of needs born out of lack of compassion. This deficit that manifests itself in manipulative, insensitive communication is society’s failure to provide a strong value system premised on openness, a spirit of giving and responsibility. Peaceful coexistence and harmonious sharing of resources have led to violence. Pursuing a culture of compassionate communication could prove a good beginning to usher in moderation and sobriety in public discourse. It would be a win-win situation if our children were taught early in their life not to compete against each other but to compete together against inequality, coercion, poverty and denial of opportunities.


Kirsten Kristensen, a foremost authority and trainer in NVC, articulates that it is divine energy that flows spiritually when we focus on what we need. Empathy is a need she says, not a universal lubricant. Expansion of consciousness is the key here. One must first recognise the value of empathy and compassion and also the consequences of not practising it. Through sincere effort and consistent practice, we should cultivate the habit of acting and communicate compassionately as second nature. That’s the stage of becoming adept or unconscious competence. Plurality thrives on valuing diversity. Diversity sustains on wonder and amazement of love and inclusion. Absence of any of these is an invitation to anger, aggression and violence.


Refer link:

http://www.speakingtree.in/article/practise-nonviolent-communication

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